What is Marriage?

What is marriage?
1. something both of you commit to, in terms of time, effort and financial resources besides sharing your space, snoring and toilet habits.
2. you acquire a new set of in-laws including brothers, sisters, step siblings, aunties, uncles, nephews and nieces from the future husband’s side.
3. You have new expectations due to your new status and acquisition of item 2.
4. You also have added responsibilities to your new in-laws. My friend (A) has to cook separate meals for her in-laws (for health and age reasons) and her own husband. She hardly has any time to work full time which was what she wanted. Today she is a full time housewife even though she is highly qualified as a infrastructure planner with a PhD to boot.
5. You rarely see your own friends. The group of friends you used to hang with before your marriage. Reason: you have new responsibilities, things to do, expectations to fulfil and events you have to attend besides from having to manage a household and looking good at the same time. So what you wear when you go out must also be upgraded from you used to wear in your care free single days.
6. Your free time is shared with others and you would look ways to disappear for 10 minutes the minute the mother in law start her daily monologue conversation around the dining table. My friend, A wants to move out because she used to live with her in-laws due to the household chores and also she hardly sees her husband alone. Her husband is an only child so he hardly does any housework or taking care of his parents. Yup, life can be tough.
7. Your definition of romance and love do not correlate with reality. Romance is what you read in the Mills and Boons novels, chick flick movies but they do not take place in your life right now. No roses, no chocolate surprises, no scenic views with only 2 of you on the beach with “everlasting love” music blows over. My friend, A longed for her monthly facial massage as a means to escape her in-laws and her clingy husband. What do people see in this marriage? I see both high levels of dependency and expectations. She didn’t have a marriage, she has a slave contract written on her face. She hardly goes out by herself because her in-laws forbid her from seeing her old friends. I do not know the reason behind this. A accepted this blindly. I only know about this when I bumped into her doing her grocery duties.
8. You are given some money to maintain the house, taking care of family members and yeah, fill up the car. I am not sure if married women who are unemployed received some pocket money for themselves. Have you checked this clause as money gives you some sense of freedom rather than ask handouts from the husband to buy that pink ribbons?
9. You have another set of rules to obey. No one pay attention to what you need – except when you fall sick, people are anxious when you will get back to your feet and start serving them again. How sad. My friend B who was pregnant with 2 children, has to make sure everyone in the family was fed, clothes washed and fridge filled with food before she went to the hospital for her third child. Things do not get better after that. I have not seen her for a while.
10. You are not your own person. You see everything in two some, like going to movies together, shopping together, walking in the park together and making decisions together. Can you handle this? At this point, I have to sign a bank agreement to part pay a down payment for my spouse’s intent to purchase a new house. Do I get to say anything? Not much. I was asked to sign just in case he ran into money problems. Does that mean I cannot leave the country now?
11. Your name in the payroll suddenly was amended from your original name (Ms Selina Tan) to your married name (Mrs Selina Lim) with no consultation with you. How did that happened? My sister in law suffered this when she married my brother and her employment details were changed overnight – her membership, her security card access, her computer login, her car parking facilities and her social club membership. She was so upset because she wants to maintain her history with the firm, having worked there for 10 years previously. It is as if Ms Selina Tan never existed and she felt like her marriage is a personal affair. However, her marriage becomes a public affair when it comes to females in her company. She said if male officers got married, nothing is changed in their personal particulars, membership, security, social club and etc. I do not know what to think. Do you see discrimination here? Once you are married, other things in your employment records are changed without your knowledge. This is where the kaypoh (gossip) ladies in the office are useful to update this social register – like who is going out with who, who got hitched and who is single again.
12. I know of one female employee who wants to advertise not only was she married but she married a doctor, a GP. Guess what she called herself now - Mrs Doctor Lam!! Like she is telling everyone to be aware of new status and her current job as a filling clerk suddenly was beneath her. We did not know what to think. We just referred her by her old name - Angie. I dread the day we have to invite her formally for the office Christmas party!! How do you then address her husband as well? Dr Lam and Mrs Dr Lam? Sounds obnoxious and self flagellation?

I do not want to go on anymore in case you are put off from marriage. However, there are benefits when you get married. Tax incentives for couple for example. Your get together party will full of merrymaking. The other is savings from twin sharing expenses when you travel and book a room or rent a car. Well, two can cheaply live as one, I was told. I am not sure. You may want to comment on that one.